Change of Direction
by DSPallas
Summary: All she wants to do is to draw up a hot bath and relax, get some sleep and wait for Abbott's call tomorrow. Who am I kidding? she thinks to herself. There is no way she is going to get any sleep tonight. At least, not until she has done the one thing that she really doesn't want to do. - A tag for the Season 6 finale, "Blue Bird". Many thanks to the great AgentM for help & support!


After leaving the airport in the middle of the night, Lisbon is lucky to get a room in the same hotel where Abbott and Cho are staying. As she scans the single bedroom, she can't help thinking that it is nothing like the lovely suite Jane had booked for her on Islamorada.

Dammit Jane! Her mind drifts back to what had happened in the TSA cell room an hour ago. The hint of a smile plays on her mouth, yet at the same time, her eyes begin to mist over. _How can one man cause so many emotions within me in such short a period of time?_ She stands near the bedside, trying to control the trembling in her hands as she drops her bag at her feet. Just as she shuffles towards the bathroom, her phone begins to ring. Without looking at the display screen for the caller's ID, she answers, 'Hello?'

'Agent Lisbon?' It is Abbott.

'Yes, Sir. Have you seen Jane?' she asks, almost a little too quickly.

'Yes, I have… eventually. But I spent most of the last hour in the TSA office trying to talk them down. The least I can say is they are not very happy with his stunts. And the air company also complained heavily about the delay to their plane's take-off.' There is a trace of irritation in his voice.

Lisbon needs to know what is going to happen to the man who has just declared his undying love for her. Casually, she asks, 'I suppose TSA still want to press charges?'

'You suppose well. I did my best to convince them that Jane was totally harmless and just a fool in love. And after what you'd already explained to them about his actions, they've decided to drop the terrorism charge. That said, they didn't demonstrate any particular enthusiasm regarding his romantic gesture. _But_… it appears the security officer in charge is a newlywed. Maybe it will encourage him to treat Jane's case with more leniency and, hopefully, to hand him over into the FBI's custody.'

'Thank you, sir.' Lisbon whispers gratefully, trying to hide her embarrassment at the fact that her boss has had to step in to save her love-life. 'So they are keeping him in custody?' she asks.

'Yes, until tomorrow morning at least. I'll be back there around 8 am.' replies Abbott.

'I'd like to come with you, Sir, if you agree.'

'Sure, I'll call you when I'm ready to leave.'

Lisbon sighs quietly, 'Ok, that's great, Sir. And Sir… For Jane… and me… Thanks again.'

'Well, we'll talk about this later. Good night Lisbon.'

'Good night, Sir.' Lisbon throws the phone onto the nightstand, and lets herself fall onto the bed. In the silence of the room, alone with her thoughts, she knows she should feel overwhelmingly happy. And yet there is something holding her back. She feels so… odd. All she wants to do is to draw up a hot bath and relax, get some sleep and wait for Abbott's call tomorrow. _Who am I kidding?_ she thinks to herself. There is no way she is going to get any sleep tonight. At least, not until she has done the one thing that she really doesn't want to do.

With a dry throat, she takes a deep breath, grabs her mobile and dials. It rings once… twice…three times before he picks up.

'Yeah?' he sounds groggy, like he has just woken up.

'Marcus? It's me.'

'I know sweetheart, I've registered your number, remember?'

She can hear the smile in his voice, but it is soon replaced with a hint of concern.

'Where are you? It's already late, you're not on board? Has your plane been delayed, or cancelled?'

'I'm still in Florida.' Lisbon closes her eyes and bites her lip. She exhales the breath she has been holding, 'I'm not coming to DC, Marcus.'

'Tonight? What happened? You miss your plane?'

'You could say that.' Lisbon's voice is quiet.

'Are you alright, Teresa? What happened?!' Marcus sounds really worried now; Lisbon can feel her chest tightening.

'I'm ok Marcus, I'm not hurt or anything. But I've… I've changed my mind at the last minute. I'm sorry, so sorry, especially after what I've told you earlier this evening. I was upset and… distracted. I thought telling you 'yes' was the solution to… to everything. Except it was not. But I only realised that later.'

After a few moments of total silence, Pike's hasty voice, devoid of the usual confidence, comes down the line. 'A _solution_?! But what's the problem, Teresa?'

He pauses for breath. Lisbon remains silent. 'Maybe… Maybe you're not ready, that's all. I can understand that. I can truly understand. We can wait if you want. You don't have to panic, Teresa, ok? Get some rest, book another flight tomorrow and we'll sort it out when you're in DC. I can even take care of your plane ticket if it helps…'

Lisbon grimaces at the desperation in his voice. 'Marcus, there's no need to do that. I'm not coming to DC. Not tonight, not ever. I'm not coming _at all_. I'm staying in Austin.'

'What?!'

'I'm staying in Austin, Marcus.'

'But… I don't get it. You said you were ok! Last week you were ok to move in with me! And you even took the job and asked for your transfer, for Christ sake!'

She flinches as the volume of his voice raises. 'I… I know, I'm sorry. I've been acting like a thoughtless idiot, I admit it. The fact is I thought I wanted all this, I really believed it. You're so kind to me, Marcus, it's been such a long time since I have had someone so caring and endearing in my life, and I truly wanted things to work between us…' Lisbon's voice trembles. 'Oh, I hate to talk about it on the phone with you, but –'

'So what made you change your mind ?' Pike cuts her short. There is a sharp, cold edge to his voice that makes her stomach cramp. She's never heard him using this tone before. But then she has only known him for a few weeks, after all.

'Marcus, please, don't get angry, it's already hard enough for me to –'

'It's Jane, isn't it?'

'…'

Her silence speaks a thousand words. Lisbon has been dreading this very moment, but at the same time she feels relieved. If Pike is asking, it can only mean that he has already figured it out.

'No!… I mean… Well, partly, yes, but-'

'I knew he was up to something! What did the son-of-a-bitch do?!'

'Hey! There's no need to yell. Please, let me explain myself.'

But Pike won't listen.'What twisted bullshit did that maniac tell you to talk you out of moving here to be with me?!'

The sound of his voice snapping at her is seriously starting to get on Lisbon's nerves, which are already at maximum tension. 'He's not a maniac! Don't talk about him like that! And he did _not_ ask me not to be with you! Jesus, Marcus! Don't make things more difficult. Can you just listen to me and let me explain?'

'Go ahead, please!' spits Pike. 'Explain to me how the man who claims he wants you to be happy – a man who has lied to you consistently - makes you treat the one you are supposed to marry like dirt?!'

Lisbon is on the verge of crying. She hears Pike's hectic breathing on the line. The conversation is starting to go into a tailspin. She feels guilty and so exhausted by all she has been through on Islamorada, and at the airport, that she isn't sure she can go on. After a deep breath, she pulls herself together and tries to give him an answer.

'I am telling you, Jane didn't do _anything_ like that. And I'm sorry you feel that way, but I swear I had no intention to hurt you. It's just that… Jane told me something that made me reconsider my recent decisions. And it made me realise that it was a mistake. So I preferred to put a stop to all this, before it's too late. Before causing you too much damage.'

'Are you telling me that our relationship has been a mistake?' questions Pike, sounding hurt.

'No! God, no! It was great! I was feeling good, Marcus. _You_ made me feel good. You're a great guy, and I know you care about me. But maybe we were both looking for a relationship that was simply convenient. I thought having a stable, reliable man for once in my life would be reassuring. Maybe, after a divorce, you thought having a wife who is also a cop would be handy, because who could understand better the up and downs of a cop's life than another cop, right? Marcus, the mistake was me believing that I wanted to move to DC, wanted to settle in with you. In fact, I was only loving the _idea_ of doing it, while deep inside, my heart wanted something else. I'm so sorry.'

Lisbon realises that she has just talked about their relationship in the past tense. _Did he notice that?_

'So, basically, you were lying to me ?' hisses Pike.

Lisbon closes her eyes and lets out a heavy breath. 'Marcus, did you listen? I was lying to myself! To _myself_! I was wrong about what I _really_ wanted. See, _I'm_ the problem. _I'm_ the one at fault. And I want to apologize because now you have to pay for my indecision, and because I know I'm hurting you. I truly am sorry.'

Pike doesn't say a word and Lisbon feels a huge lump in her throat. She wonders if what she has just said makes any sense to him. It sounds lame now, clichéd, even to her own ears. A pitiful attempt to find excuses to dump a boyfriend. _God, she has always sucked at expressing her feelings._

'Uh, say something…' she manages to mumble.

After a few seconds Pike's voice comes through her phone, harsh and dry. 'I still want to know what that bastard did to you to manipulate you like that,' he persists.

Lisbon turns pale. Here she is pouring her heart out, and all the man can manage to say is that she is not able to think for herself? She is daring to say _no_ to the mighty Pike, therefore it is obviously someone else who has pushed her into doing it, is that it? That is unfair! Everybody has the right to change their mind. Especially for such big decisions!

Her blood is starting to boil. Of course she knows Pike has legitimate reasons to be angry, to feel wounded, betrayed even - but she is so worn out that she can't think rationally anymore. Her anger bursts out from her.

'Jane just told me something that I needed to hear… Something you never told me!'

'What, huh? What!? That I am not good enough for you?'

'That he loves me! Simply that he loves me!'

There is a brief stunned silence, which is then quickly broken by Pike. 'But so do I!'

Lisbon shakes her head, unseen. 'You never told me! All you did was tell me that you felt… _something_.'

'It meant the same thing to me!'

'Not exactly, Marcus…' she breathes out.

'Well, I thought asking you to move to DC with me seemed to be proof of love. And finding you a job. And I think asking you to marry me was the ultimate proof of love, Teresa,' Pike says, in a bitter tone.

'I… I don't know. I'm not so sure now,'

'It seemed to me like you wanted me to act like that though… am I wrong?'

She can't fail to hear the hint of contempt in his voice, and it wounds her.

'I've never asked you for anything! We were comfortable with each other. And you're a good match, I can't deny it. But within the space of only four weeks you kept bombarding me with ultimatums! I don't even think you realised you were doing it! Asking me to move across the States with you, asking me to take the job you've found for me, asking me to be your wife! It was too much too soon, Marcus, too rushed. Why were you pushing me like that? Why were you pressuring me? This was not a competition, for Christ sake! What were you afraid of!?'

'I wasn't pressuring you! Stop blaming eveything on me Teresa!'

'I'M NOT!'

Lisbon's volume matches Pike's in her frustration. She pauses and tries to calm herself. Screaming at each other is getting them nowhere. This discussion is a dead end. She knows arguing endlessly on the phone won't do any good. More likely it will make things worse. She takes another deep breath to calm down and with a voice as neutral as possible, hoping Pike won't interrupt, she adds, 'Listen, I called you because you deserve explanations about why I have changed my mind. I called to say I'm sorry, to apologize for telling you things and withdrawing them at the last minute. Yelling at each other on the phone won't do any good. I'm not coming to DC, that's all. I hope you'll understand. I'd like us to talk about this later, when everyone is calm and relaxed…'

'Don't bullshit me, Teresa. I understand very well. Go get your damn consultant and have fun. You two deserve each other!'

The line goes dead.

Lisbon stares at her phone and sighs heavily. She had known it wouldn't be easy and, indeed, it was not. She is frustrated, guilty, anxious and yet feels lighter at the same time. However, she knows that the emotional roller coaster that she is on is far from over. She hopes that she is really ready for what is to come. Her 'damn consultant', yeah. Her mind flits back to a previous case, back in California, where Jane had met her ex-fiancé, Greg. Maybe her 'damn consultant' was right - maybe she _is_ a heartbreaker.


End file.
